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mood |
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kill someone |
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music |
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mirah - dogs of ba |
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happy july. i guess. i mean, whatever. you know.
so i can't really sleep this week. at least not for long, and not without the aid of some type of pill. then, when i do finally get knocked out, i keep having these really uncomfortable dreams. i rarely remember my dreams, but it's happening every time i doze. i blame the pills. supposedly melatonin can cause more vivid dreams, and i've been taking much more than the recommended dosage, so...
but every time i drift off, i dream about adam. only, not nice dreams. it's something completely weird, and kind of disturbing. i close my eyes, and there he is, doing the cruelest things. not anything psycho, just thoroughly mean. Shoving me around. Laughing at me or making jokes. Hitting on women in front of me. Walking into a restaurant and sitting at a separate table. All these random acts lifted from lifetime movies of the week.
i don't like it at all, and it makes me almost glad that i can't stay asleep for more than an hour or a two at a time.
goddamnit, i'm going out of my mind this week. and i just sit alone, drive around alone, get lost, end up cleaning the car just to occupy my brain for a second. it's totally pathetic how lonely i am.
i'm bursting in anticipation for the Choice USA trip. I need to get out of Charlotte. This town is just brimming with pretentious disappointments, but whatever. Home sweet home.
I need to see my friends. You know, the ones who aren't completely self-absorbed and damaged. The ones who don't try and suck everyone down to their miserable little levels, as though they actually give a damn.
i'm an asshole. wow. whatever.
so, because i am a lonely, pitiful asshole, I've dedicated the past two days almost entirely to puppies. Despite the fact that I can't even think about getting a pet of my own for another two years, i've put together a list of the most beautiful, perfect little animals. I've narrowed it down to a cavalier king charles spaniel, a boxer, a shetland sheepdog (ok, not plausible, but most adorable pups EVER), or my new number one ultimate dream dog:
Xoloitzcuintle
They are these stunning mexican hairless dogs, and i totally forgot about them until yesterday when eukanuba told me they're my best match. and then i recalled seeing them at Dolores Olmedo's estate/museum. i was floored by how difficult it was to tell which were dogs and which were statues.
everyone keeps telling me they look creepy as hell, but i honestly think they're some of the most gorgeous animals i've ever seen ever. so, buy me a xolo.
c'mon. please?
this whole posting thing is an absolute waste of time right now, but as i've mentioned, can't sleep. a little too worn down to give a shit about anything. particularly making sense.
i'm unintelligent and, as previously stated, an asshole. go away now. good night.
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