This is the beginning of the season of shit, though. I should be celebrating Adam's 30th birthday and our 5th anniversary, but instead I'll be marking the year that has passed since he left us. So it goes.
I'm trying to do all the things we talked about. I'm trying to live my life for real. Next week I'm finally taking a bus to British Columbia, even. Like he always wanted. This is the only thing I know how to do -- get by. Keep on livin'. I don't feel any particularly deep, meaningful moments, but I will keep doing what I have to do, what I should. Its what I know is right. I'm not full of life, I'm not fulfilled because the fact of the matter is that nothing has or can take Adam's place and he was my whole unhealthy world. But I'm still here and still going and I'm going to fucking see Canada and the Pacific Ocean and make the world a goddamn better place. Or something.